Ghost Ramblings

Manipulation

His cologne enveloped me, suffocated me

I was drowning in his sweet scent

My vision becoming spotty as I struggled to breathe

And still he dragged me down to the Challenger Deep, isolating me completely

Gone is the cool summer breeze that told me to live freely

A blanket of coldness covers me as I lay at the bottom of the ocean

Total darkness engulfs me but despite this, I still feel a hint of warmness

That starts at my toes and spread to my feet until I feel the warmth spread throughout my entire body

And it’s him

With his arms wrapped around me to warm me up from the freezing cold

But he is the reason for this coldness

For this darkness and yet he is the only light I see down in the depths

Taking advantage of my isolation, making it far more worse and having no regrets

Is this what dependency is

Sick on Love

I want your love

I want you to love me

You call it selfishness, I call it insecurity

Love for me has always been conditional

Fed lies after lies until lies became all I knew

And then one day you came, just out of the blue and gave me kindness

A sweet, intoxicating treat that has turned me to madness

Sleepless nights and tired afternoons

I fight my body to stay awake just to talk to you

Just to hear your voice

And to hear you laugh

To see the glint in your eye that makes me glad that I’m still here

I know your love won’t save me

I know it won’t be enough in the end

My wounds are deep but it hurts even more when I have to hear the word friend

But I know you can’t fix it

Only I can and I don’t believe your love can help as much as it hurts to admit it

They tend to say that love is powerful and it can change you

I just don’t know if that change is good in my case

I think your love is making me sick

-venus

Sweetly.

Let me in, Let me in

It’s a sin you say

Don’t listen to them

I want to breathe in you in

Hold you in my arms

I can’t stop thinking about you

Why do you have to be so far

My eyes are blinded by your beauty

My mind clouded with thoughts of you

I can’t get you out of my mind

Why can’t you just be mine

Don’t make it any harder

Come to me sweetly

Just let me in into your world

I will love you sincerely

Night.

Blood poured down his face

His breathing was shallow

His heart felt though it would implode

The darkness follows

He circled me like prey

A chuckle coming from his lips

My breathing was quick

As I pushed my will to live

The trees were laughing

Mocking my demise

And all I can see is darkness

Hell in his eyes

As I my heart beat faster

I tried to lie

To give myself comfort

During this horrid night

2 Fold.

Therapeutic love

I think I’m losing my mind

Once again I’m telling everyone that I’m fine

They don’t need to know

Only I do

Because if they know I’ll go back to the hospital

Seeing stars in vision

My mind is hazy

But I come back to when you call me baby

Can’t trust too easily because humans are evil

But loneliness is suffocating me

The silence become 2 fold

Love is Fleeting.

Love is fleeting, that’s what you thought.

Love was the ocean waves that crashed against your warm skin in a pattern.

At least that’s what you considered love to be because you never knew what love was.

The relationships you saw while you were young were toxic.

Abusive.

All about control and lust but not about genuine love.

Maybe love truly is unconditional and warm, tasting like sweet honey or fresh strawberries.

But you didn’t know that.

Because all you knew was arguing and pain.

That’s the type of love you knew.

But maybe that’ll change.

You’ll experience a love the gives you goosebumps and leaves you laughing, smiling brightly.

That leaves you feeling safe and secure.

But for now, love is a fleeting emotion that comes and goes as the waves of the ocean.

Sorry.

Oh me oh my I lose my mind again

Staring at the wall trying to think clearly again

But the shadows in the corner are mocking me

I feel eyes on me

Watching me

Oh no I am not lost

I know who I am unlike you who’s lost

My problem is my mind

The trauma that lives there

And thing known as time

But please don’t feel sad

I hate those who feel sorry

You’re not cause of insanity

So never feel sorry

If I cut deep on accident and bleed out

Don’t feel sad

I’d be more happier

Instead of living in this drag of world

So open your eyes

And see

Stop covering your eyes to ignore

What is wrong with me

But do not pretend that I am wrong

Or pretend to feel sorry when you feel nothing at all

The mind is weird and strange I know

But to live with a strange mind

Is much harder than I thought

~a sleepy ghost~

Anything

Pretty brown eyes got me hypnotized

And I can’t but dream about you

I wonder what you’re doing

I wonder if I could ever be with you

Lonely nights thinking of scenarios

That will never come true

Because life isn’t easy for me

Nor is it easy for you

Where will we even be in our thirties

Will we be successful

Famous

Or dead and gone

From a crime so heinous

I want to see the world before I die

But I don’t even know if that’s a possibility

I should still at least try

I’m still searching for a sign

Searching for anything that will tell me anything will be every right

Anything that will comfort me at night

Anything that makes me want to stay alive

~a sleepy ghost~

Is it Love or Loneliness?

I think what I’m feeling is love

A genuine feeling that’s straight from above

A feeling so wonderful yet so strange

It can make anyone do the craziest of things

I can never tell you my feelings though

No matter how much it pains me

To see someone else make you smile

I’ll just stay lost at sea

I take solace with being alone

But I hate being lonely

If you were to kiss me

It would simply break me

You can use me however you wish

And I still be here answering your every call

But is that love or is it loneliness

Not knowing this distinction will be my downfall
~a sleepy ghost~

I’m not happy.

What do I do if I don’t want to live

If I can’t move on and I’m just waiting for death to give me a kiss

Do I fake my happiness and pretend everything is fine

Or spiral out of control and drive everyone out of my life

I want to be alone but I’m so lonely

I want to be loved

Please hold me

Caress me and say everything is fine

That I’m not crazy

That I’ll overcome in due time

But maybe I’m asking for too much

I have too much needs

“You always got what you wanted” they say

“You’re so spoiled… what more could you need?”

I’m not happy

For the love of god

Can someone turn off the voices in my head

I can’t think straight and apparently it wants me dead

They say you see the light when you die

I wonder what I’ll see

Will be a white shinning light

Or a never ending darkness as deep as the sea

Never was shown respect

Never taken seriously

Stepped all over by my own family

Yet I’m suppose to be happy

Took as fool

And used as toy

Tossed aside by I trusted most

Yet I’m suppose to feel joy

Well I don’t
~a sleepy ghost~