Endlessly.

Why did you do this

Look at the damage you caused

You came in like a storm

Raging without any thought

How can you do this

What did I ever do to you

You think you can just leave now

With the mess you created

What’s wrong with you

Crashing through

I never thought

I’d be in love with you

Endlessly

I love you so much

You’ll never get rid of me

~a sleepy ghost~

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Mess.

I want you to love me back.

Why you ask?

You came into my life like a storm, causing destruction and chaos. Hurting me. I bleed for you and now all I want is for you to hold me tight. That’s all. Simple and easy right.

But of course with you it’s hard, it’s not so easy when you’re living the fast life. Living in the fast lane but slow down for a bit and kiss me love, I swear I’ll behave.

Just stay with me.

Please?

I’m begging you.

The damage you caused was great and all I ask for payment is for you to hold my hand.

I’m broken and it’s your fault and now it’s your duty to clean up this mess.

~a sleepy ghost~

I’ve always been a bit of an outcast…

I’m not trying to change what it means to be a man because of me being trans but if that ends up happening, then so be it. I consider myself to a trans-masculine guy who’s not apart of the binary. I see myself as a Genderqueer trans guy (or boi because I use that word a lot).

Anyway, one of my fears about being someone who wants to transition and look more masculine is the fact that people may think I’m some threat, especially since I don’t conform to gender stereotypes.

I feel like once I start to transition, people may start telling me that I have to start acting like a “man” but what does that even mean. Masculinity isn’t inherently toxic or fragile but there is such a thing as toxic and fragile masculinity and if people expect me to start calling women bitches all because “I’m a man now” then they have another thing coming.

I just want to finally become me. To mold myself into the awesome and caring dude that I know I am. I just need to get over these fears of trying to conform into society. I’ve always been a bit of an outcast already so why should I try to fit in now?

Lie To Me.

Tell me something I want to hear

Don’t mind the tears love

I’ve been through worst

I wanted this to be right

But I guess I fucked up

Now look at me

Kicking rocks

So stressed I’m smoking

All because you’re never coming back

I just want what we once had

I’m tearing my fucking hair out

Over you

Crying my eyes out

Over you

But of course you don’t care

I wouldn’t either

But just tell me I’ll be fine

That I don’t need you either

Even if you have to lie

Lie

~a sleepy ghost~

Why Do You Hurt Me?

Whatever it is that you want

I’ll do it for you

I’d buy the moon

I’ll shoot pool

Anything for you

But will you do the same for me

Will you care and love me

Or will this just be one sided

Until it becomes nothing

And we become divided

How can I fight you

I just can’t do it

I hate fighting and you know that

Why do you do the things you do

Why do you hurt me

And swore it wasn’t true

Why do take pleasure

In calling me your slave

Why do you hurt

And say I shouldn’t misbehave

Why do I like it

Why am I this way

~a sleepy ghost~

Oh Paranoia.

I am out of my mind

Losing the sense of time

I don’t get why it’s happening

And it feels like I can’t win

Visions of me

Being beaten

So serene

I don’t get why it’s happening

But I wished it stop

I just want to breath

And feel safe in company

Oh paranoia

You

Why do you do what you do

Why do you hurt me so bad

Visions of death

My demise

So serene

It’s nice

Am I out of my mind

I can’t tell anymore

I want to go back home

I’m tired of here

All this place does

Is bring you to tears

And bring forth your fears

~a sleepy ghost~

A Long Day Away.

A long day away

I ask of you why

Do life really have to be this way

Work till I die

Paranoid of death

In a violent way

I just need someone to love

Holding me

Telling me everything will be okay

I’m a sensitive guy

Who still sleeps with a stuffed animal

I don’t really like fights

They turn humans into real animals

When will I meet him

Meet my eyes

And say that’s him

Feeling comfortable in my skin

That is a long day away they say

So I better start preparing for that day

~a sleepy ghost~

Fighting.

I feel uncomfortable

And nervous

And I don’t get why

It is because of him

It can’t be

I’m not outside

I was planning to sing

But he showed up

And now I’m in pain

Not physical

But mental

Sorta of a numbing pain

That sometimes leaves me tearful

Life would be so much easier

If I wasn’t born with the thoughts

That I was a boy

Never a girl

But I’m tired of fighting these thoughts

~a sleepy ghost~

Pain and Pride.

Yesterday I dreamt

Of being perfect

Conforming to society

Being normal

What is even normality

Does it truly exist

They say I need to keep my pride

And pretend like I don’t exist

But I’ve done that

For half of my life

Pretending to be something I wasn’t

So I could make a good

Mouse-like wife

But fuck that

I’m not with it

I shout it to the rooftops

I didn’t always fit in

So why start now

Why change my thoughts

So the majority can still feel comfortable

While I suffer in silence from my own thoughts

No

I say

In the end

I’ll be okay

Whether it’s just me

Or you by my side

I won’t hide my pain

I won’t hide my pride
~a sleepy ghost~